Christmas Hopes

Ahhhhh!
It’s been 2 days and I’m up 4.5 pounds!

Even if it’s part fluctuation, surely SOME of it has to be real, right? That’s an awful big gain. I’ve never gained that much in a month, much less two days!

Oh my, I’m so many emotions I don’t even know:
-excited: can I really do this? Every Christmas I’m tired of being the messed up one. Every new Years I vow to “get buff.” I’m the most extreme ever this year [living like a sick one, not just an athlete trying to gain]…and I’m also the sickest I’ve ever been with my digestion and physical state…but could this be the time things really turn around?
-hopeful but worried: I still want to get better, not just gain weight. Even if I look better and get healthier stats, this is no way to live with all my “issues.”
I’m hanging on to a hope that part of the healing will come with just plain gaining weight, even if that process makes things temporarily worse in terms of digesting.
I have noticed that since I went off my eliminations things have gone progressively and quickly downhill. And I was actually stabilizing pretty well. I’m wondering if I continued the same core eliminations [not too severe, but at least gluten, soy, dairy pretty strict] but also keep my gameplan with the meal plan and activity, if they can all work together so I can heal, gain [and heal more!] and get the life and body I need.

Side note—I’m also OVER my first 2 activity standards = pilates/easy toning alternated with the ½ hour cardio IF I’m still here in two days [I’m making myself weight in TWICE at the standard because my weight has bounced around a lot in the past].

Christmas has resurrected my running dreams. I got a great book with not just training philosophies/plans, but how to adapt it to your body’s response. This is just the kind of thing I need after years of peaks and crashes with chronic injury: this year, instead of heading into the new year with the perfect training plan, I’m heading into it with the tools to build my body and my training to what will make me the best runner I can be and discover a new world of athletics I have yet to experience!

Scared but Hopeful

I'm off to the long-awaited visit with the GI specialist.

After years of my normal Dr. kind of blowng off my constant "issues" and making me feel like a whiny baby for how they interfere my life [not to mention the consequences of malnourishment for me long term if something IS wrong!] I finally hooked up with some folks earlier this year who told me I'm the poster child for Chron's and Celiac's. After doing some research on my own I felt like I was reading my own story...after years of thinking I was the only one in the world who had problems like that, and even that most of it was just my OCD.

Anyhow, I have mixed feelings. I don't want something WRONG with me, but I DO want a solution. I'm praying for the latter, and hoping that the means of getting there is something doable and affordable for me.