Scared but Hopeful

I'm off to the long-awaited visit with the GI specialist.

After years of my normal Dr. kind of blowng off my constant "issues" and making me feel like a whiny baby for how they interfere my life [not to mention the consequences of malnourishment for me long term if something IS wrong!] I finally hooked up with some folks earlier this year who told me I'm the poster child for Chron's and Celiac's. After doing some research on my own I felt like I was reading my own story...after years of thinking I was the only one in the world who had problems like that, and even that most of it was just my OCD.

Anyhow, I have mixed feelings. I don't want something WRONG with me, but I DO want a solution. I'm praying for the latter, and hoping that the means of getting there is something doable and affordable for me.

Injured by Resting

After the race granted my plea to defer, I decided to take my recovery all the way. I stopped running and got off my feet—at the most extreme yet, despite the continuous cutbacks these past few months. Like I think I said before, I was improving and feeling much better a week ago, but still not where I “should” be. I really wanted to take advantage of this time, completely reset, and make sure I progressed all the way to my best potential, not limited by stuff I should have got over with and recovered from.

Anyhow, I decided to take a few days off, then go for a 3m run, and build from there [strategy mentioned at the end of my last post]. I haven’t run less than 6 miles [my recovery run length] in months, so it really was just more of a “warm up test run.” Well I finally got to this run yesterday, and it was mixed. The good was that I felt GREAT. I just wanted to SPRINT! The bad was that while most of the “reported” injuries were gone [on and off with my left pelvis, knee, and nagging shin splints], my groin overall was actually painful—enough to slow me down. I hoped that it was just a “getting moving” thing, and also that I was enough below the “threshold” to still recover despite my limited running.
However, things rapidly went downhill. I could barely walk the rest of the day, and the pain moved to the inside of my RIGHT pelvis. Still, I hoped it was all part of the process and headed out for test #2 this morning.
Words can’t describe my confused dismay. The pulling inside that right pelvis got to the point where I had to stop running altogether. Literally could not function. I have’t been THAT hurt since a stress fracture a year and a half ago.
And the worst part—ALL THIS AFTER RESTING.

Two weeks ago I ran a 20m run without any leg pain.
Last week I was getting stronger and faster every day playing it by ear [not making myself run more OR less] on 8-10m runs.
I decide to make sure I’m recovered all the way and now I’m BROKEN??!

I don’t even have words to describe how I feel right now.
Not just the injury—but the contradiction, the mystery.
WHY didn’t I just keep running?! I was doing fine until I slowed down…and stopping to “recover” was the breaking point.

The Decision

The Decision:
I decided not to run the Detroit Marathon.
A year ago, there’s no way I would have made a decision like this about my big race. But the thing is, my goal wasn’t to run a marathon. I signed up for Detroit because I wanted to race it.
After conquering the marathon at Bayshore + seeing what the distance was like and showing I could do it, I wanted to invest in my potential to improve and see what I could do in this race.
The way things are now, that’s not what’s going to happen. I’m 99% sure I could run it. I’m doing better all the time, probably in better condition than Bayshore to run such a race. But I don’t just want to run it. The point of running another marathon was to maximize my potential in my newfound ability to put in some real training, and race it—with time goals, splits, etc.

I’m impulsive and extreme, but I made sure not to jump to this conclusion. However, after weeks of thought over my options, I know if I want to run another marathon with the purpose of racing it and seeing what I can do with “real training” than I need to get to a point where I’m doing that—not where I’m “making it through.”
First though, I want to work on some shorter races. I’m excited with the opportunity to compete on a XC team as a grad student [since I red shirted some of m allotted "years" during undergrad], and training for 5K’s and 10K’s fits nicely into my goal to become a faster runner, getting stronger and improving my speed and power.

I’ve put a lot of work in this summer, and I still hope it wasn’t all for nothing. Obviously I’ve learned a lot, again—here I thought I’d finally figured out how to work best with my body by last spring! [Well, maybe I had….then I got sidetracked with my Pfitz plan instead of continuing with the working with my own signals and results—the very thing that made a frustrating injury saga turn into a rapid recovery and improvement beyond belief!]
But my prayer is that I can not only take what I’ve learned to do things “right” from here, but that once I’m more thoroughly recovered I will see some of the results of all the incredible fitness I built. It’s so hard to feel so out of shape now, and yet still do less, more than I have even BEFORE Bayshore [when I was “barely” training]. But I know that while running more now feels good, even keeps me in a momentary state of higher fitness, long term it compromises the kind of performance I can put out. I know I can get in cardiovascular shape, quickly. The real challenge will be having a solid foundation and proper progression so that I can be putting some higher level performances out of all that, not just being able to “run forever.”

The Gameplan:
So far I’ve played the last couple weeks by ear. Had some surprisingly good runs when I went out expecting nothing, but overall I’m still not completely reset. After a few nights low on sleep and a couple long(er!) runs in a row, my legs felt gimpy again and I took last night-this morning off, and I definitely feel ready to go this morning. But I am taking it all the way this time. It’s October—I’m reseting, building a base, and maximizing what I can get OUT of my training and not just peaking in how much I can train.
I’m calling this fall “Building the Foundation of an Elite Athelte, and October is specific to a full recovery so I am can build and progress without being held back.
One thing I have learned is that I CAN tell the difference between normal training quirks or nags that can be cured with a bag of ice, and real injury limits. I’m gong to use this in combination with everything I’ve learned about listening to my body to set up a system of recovery and rebuilding this fall.
I’m staying off the road until I can run injury-pain free [not just until it feels great to run and I can handle a steady pace]. Then I will start at 3, yes 3 [I can’t remember the last time I ran shorter than…6? Unless it was a double workout day…] miles completely strong and sturdy. From there I will build only when I duplicate the same mileage with continued improvement and no injury-pain onset. Once I get to 8-10 SOLID miles I will work in some beginning/intro speed workouts.
I do hope to maintain as much fitness as possible through cross training—but only when and how much so that it does not trigger the recovering injuries! It must be a help, not something that drags out my return to top level running training—and the performance/results that should go with that!
My main focus will be strength building. I need a solid foundation.
Coming through this “base building” I should be able to do leg work, power work, and my running workouts should not be limited by being injury prone. Whether I’m at 20mpw or 50, they will be miles adapted to my goal’s needs and training levels, NOT adapted to coping with a breakable body.

Weighty Issues

I think I mentioned on this blog about how I tend to gain weight when I'm running, and more weight during my peak running. I've concluded that it must have something to do with my metabolism getting more efficient with calories as I increase the demands--an inbred survival mechanisms.

Well, it sure doesn't seem to remember how to be efficient when the hard training lets up.
After less than a week of cutting back my mileage AND my evening trips to the gym, I promptly lost a couple pounds despite and increase in daily calories. No biggie.
BUT after taking a few days completely off, and a lot less milage for the last couple weeks, I lost another couple pounds....putting me about 5lbs under where I was at my peak weight this summer, even if only a couple pounds under where I seem to gravitate to.

I know it's not much, but I was too skinny to start with. Even at my "setpoint" I had the goal of gaining, although my body seemed to fight it. Whether or not this was a good goal or not, whether ever managing to gain weight would help or hurt my running [only questioned since I found myself running worse whenever I ate myself sick--and then my metabolism would speed up and I'd lose the initial gain anyways]....the one thing I DO know is that I can NOT afford to lose.
I definitely have to turn this trend around, running or not, and take it as far as I can. At LEAST get back to the point where I was strongest and running my best, and see if I can't manage to push it even further and possibly gain more strength, not to mention a solid, injury-resistant, foundation to hold up to my bigtime athletic dreams.

Improving my foodie-ness! :-P

Ok, so I've had a bit more time to prepare food today without classes or work [although I really should be tackling a mega to-do list!], but I have to admit, I'm quite proud of some *cooking* done[for me!] and *real food*, plust some new stuff than my norms...and just had to brag a little.
In fact, after reading blogs where my friends post pictures of meals, I wished I was more camera savvy this morning--I was so pleased with breakfast:

Oatmeal: oats [duh] + sunflower seeds, walnuts, dried blueberries, cinnamon
3 hard boiled eggs
apple
milky coffee :-P

=not only something different [vs. cereal, bars, and cottage cheese--my norm!], but an athlete's powerhouse! Between the quality carbs in the oatmeal, vitamin E in the seeds, omega's in the eggs and walnuts, antioxidants in the apple and especially the blueberries, and a good dose of protein and healthy fats, I feel really proud of myself, even if there was nothing TRULY extraordinary about such a standard breakfast.

Fun Foodie Post!

Since eating is such a big part of my life, some of my little eating quirks and traditions are right up there with all the other habits and traits different people have in their lifestyles.
So I thought just for fun I’d post some of my fooding sorts of quirks…

Ø I love cereal. I eat it by the box unless it’s high fiber or has artificial sweeteners. But I have to have a MIX. I don’t like just flaky, just crunchy, just sweet. Something flaky + a fiber/crunchy cereal is my usual combo.

Ø While I like some of the strangest foods, foods that most people wouldn’t eat plain, and will try about anything, I’m not a big fan of the standard “favorites.” I don’t really like pizza, except for a nice thick crust [and no cheese!], and I’m not crazy about chocolate. As a kid I didn’t even like peanut butter!

Ø I hate leaving just a little bit left in the bottom of something. I don’t’ know how many times I’ve finished something, eating more than I wanted or something I don’t like/am intolerant of [from someone else] just because it bugged me to have a container with a few bites left.
[Ironically my family does the opposite—they have this crazy tendacy to get full suddenly with one bite left! Drives me nuts in a funny sort of way.]

Ø On a similar note, whenever I eat something creamy like cottage cheese, yogurt, or ice cream, I have to “scrape up the remains.” I always top these items off with some sort of bread or a banana to clean the container.
I’ve come up with some gross but tasty concoctions that way:
-melted ice cream + cottage cheese + bagel
-oatmeal + yogurt + tortilla and fruit
Ø I have a “system” when I eat where I like to follow spicey with sweet/creamy with crunchy/sweet. Or some sort of think like that. I won’t just eat one thing. I’ll do cereal to creamy to salty or a spicy dinner to creamy to snacky. And I like to end with something to drink to wash it down. Normally coffee or juice [though I prefer the dreaded Mountain Dew!] early on in the day, and warmed up lactaid milk at night.

Ø I think things to be either REALLY HOT or REALLY COLD. I’m notorious for sticking dinners, not long off the stove, in the microwave, and putting my apples in the back of the fridge or even the freezer.

Ø I like to top my meals off with a warm drink. When it’s too late for coffee, I’ll go for some warmed up milk of all things! This started back when I used to drink vanilla soy milk, in an attempt to make a vanilla version of hot chocolate. I soon discovered how soothing just plain warm milk was—and puts a nice filling cap on whatever I just ate.

To come: "Too much of a good thing Part 3: PROTEIN gone extreme"

[I wanted to keep these altogether, but have some other stuff I want to post before I have a chance to gather some of my research on this and sum it up, so I'm posting a space filler and hope to get back to it soon!]